Friday, December 10, 2004
Coming home is harder than leaving
So I spent a couple of months in Korea over the summer. It was tough living in a foreign country, especially one that is SO foreign. Time doesn't mean so much to you and you forget whether you've been there for 2 days, 2 months, 2 years, or 2 decades. You very quickly hit a culture shock where you realize that very little that you understand and take for granted applies there and you have almost no ability to predict how things will happen. A brief example would be that in Korea, due to the crowding and in part due to the culture (and language), when you're walking down the street people will just flat out walk into you or push you out of the way. It's not in any way personal, they're not being rude, and they don't even think about it for a second while you're left there wondering what the crap just happened and why. This will happen maybe 20 times a day, and that stress adds up.
Basically you have to start to assimilate or be crushed by the ... Koreanness ... of everything around you. And assimiliate you do, at least part of you or you feel some pretty bad isolation and loneliness. I did both, where I rejected things Korean for a while but at the end I made my peace with Korea and we kind of agreed to coexist and things got a LOT easier. Yun Jung had a lot to do with that, as she introduced me to almost all of my Korean friends and really helped me figure out how to get around.
Then you come home.
Your home has shrunk. Everything is smaller when compared to the enormity of your experience in an alien environment. Your perception of the world, and your mind, have both expanded greatly. Things are different now because YOU are different.
And that's when the stress starts again.
Narrowminded people piss you off. People that can't see past their own noses piss you off. People that stay attached to things they hate piss you off. People that get pissed off about stuff piss you off.
And by "piss you off" I really mean "frustrate you."
This is why I've tried to stay away from my favorite messageboards lately. People just piss me the crap off. It's not their fault, they're just doing what they always do. It's my fault in a way because I let them piss me off. This never ever ever happened before I went to Korea. I've been pissier with EVERYONE since I got back.
Most of us have our little worlds where we fit in, but now, at times, I don't even feel like I have that. Most of my friends have never left the country, and if they did they only visited some places for a week or, at most, two. Sometimes I find myself relating to my Korean friends better than my American ones. Sometimes. And then other times the last thing I want to do is talk to a Korean or speak Korean. Even my former college roommate who was over in Korea around when I was (although I got there before she did and left after she did) was kind of protected because she was an actress in a play and lived in a beautiful hotel and always has translators with her. Not to mention that while I was trying to figure out how to buy a subway card (in Korean) after they changed to a new system, she was being driven around Seoul and appearing on morning talk shows and everyone was fawning over her because she could count to six and say "it's raining" in Korean. However, Katrina is Katrina and is absolutely irrepressible, so she really absorbed a lot of what was going on around her. She also got to spend time in more places around Korea than I did and got to do a lot more sightseeing. I wish that I could have done some of the things that she got to do.
So, anyway, there's no real reason I'm writing this. Maybe because I always tell people to go out and have adventures, and I walk the walk, too. Now it's time to show the other side of it. By and large, the readjustment wasn't too bad, but things just aren't the same as before. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be there for 3 years or more in a row. I think my Wednesday night group helped more than anything. Just their rock solid consistancy and the fact that I can count on going there and having a good time every week has been really good.
Anyway, that's it.
Basically you have to start to assimilate or be crushed by the ... Koreanness ... of everything around you. And assimiliate you do, at least part of you or you feel some pretty bad isolation and loneliness. I did both, where I rejected things Korean for a while but at the end I made my peace with Korea and we kind of agreed to coexist and things got a LOT easier. Yun Jung had a lot to do with that, as she introduced me to almost all of my Korean friends and really helped me figure out how to get around.
Then you come home.
Your home has shrunk. Everything is smaller when compared to the enormity of your experience in an alien environment. Your perception of the world, and your mind, have both expanded greatly. Things are different now because YOU are different.
And that's when the stress starts again.
Narrowminded people piss you off. People that can't see past their own noses piss you off. People that stay attached to things they hate piss you off. People that get pissed off about stuff piss you off.
And by "piss you off" I really mean "frustrate you."
This is why I've tried to stay away from my favorite messageboards lately. People just piss me the crap off. It's not their fault, they're just doing what they always do. It's my fault in a way because I let them piss me off. This never ever ever happened before I went to Korea. I've been pissier with EVERYONE since I got back.
Most of us have our little worlds where we fit in, but now, at times, I don't even feel like I have that. Most of my friends have never left the country, and if they did they only visited some places for a week or, at most, two. Sometimes I find myself relating to my Korean friends better than my American ones. Sometimes. And then other times the last thing I want to do is talk to a Korean or speak Korean. Even my former college roommate who was over in Korea around when I was (although I got there before she did and left after she did) was kind of protected because she was an actress in a play and lived in a beautiful hotel and always has translators with her. Not to mention that while I was trying to figure out how to buy a subway card (in Korean) after they changed to a new system, she was being driven around Seoul and appearing on morning talk shows and everyone was fawning over her because she could count to six and say "it's raining" in Korean. However, Katrina is Katrina and is absolutely irrepressible, so she really absorbed a lot of what was going on around her. She also got to spend time in more places around Korea than I did and got to do a lot more sightseeing. I wish that I could have done some of the things that she got to do.
So, anyway, there's no real reason I'm writing this. Maybe because I always tell people to go out and have adventures, and I walk the walk, too. Now it's time to show the other side of it. By and large, the readjustment wasn't too bad, but things just aren't the same as before. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be there for 3 years or more in a row. I think my Wednesday night group helped more than anything. Just their rock solid consistancy and the fact that I can count on going there and having a good time every week has been really good.
Anyway, that's it.
